The Top 10 Corona Virus Jokes

Updated: Apr 24

Firstly we would like to point out that the Corona Virus itself is no joke, it is serious and even deadly business. What is funny however, is some of the madness going on in the world because of the Coronavirus, the toilet paper hoarding, the stockpiling of groceries and don't forget the new Coronavirus Challenge where people lick toilet seats, 

Humour is great, it can even help to relieve anxiety around worrying issues. Here are our top 10 Corona Virus Jokes. Be careful though, humour is infectious and these jokes are going viral, puns intended

The Top coronavirus Jokes 

8. If I get quarantined for two weeks with my wife and I die. I can assure you it was not the virus that killed me.

7. With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.

6. I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"

She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"

I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here"

5. *Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stock piled "just in case".

The whole lot collapsed and buried him.

4. Thinking a mask is going to stop Covid-19 is the same as thinking that your underpants will protect everyone from a fart.

3. Since everybody has now started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste.

2. They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied, everyone else has clothes on.

And for number 1. Before Corona Virus I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.

Bonus Jokes 

- Definition of Irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.

- People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible"

People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago"

- My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately, now when I pee I clean the toilet.

- Day 3 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently she is my wife. She seems nice. 

- 2020 is a unique leap year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 10 years in April.

-  Back in the day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled "last call"

- I think it is great that people are finally starting to drink water, wipe their ass and wash their hands.

- I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received from the staff in the last 10 years.

-Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?

- To the people who bought 20 bottles of soap leaving none of the shelves for others, you do realise that to stop getting Coronavirus, you need other people washing their hands too.

- Chuck Norris has been exposed to the Coronavirus. The virus is now in quarantine for a month

- Chinese doctors have confirmed the name of the first person to contract Coronavirus. His name is Ah-Chu.

- Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.

- To those who are complaining about the quarantine period and curfews, just remember that your grandparents were called to war, you are being called to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. You can do this.

- How come the liquor stores don't have empty shelves? Don't people understand that they will be quarantined with their spouses and kids?

- Mexico is asking Trump to hurry up and build the wall NOW!

-Having trouble staying at home? Shave your eyebrows off.

- I'll bet a million dollars the same people that stockpiled toilet rolls are the same people who speed up in overtaking lanes.

- During self isolation..

Dogs: "Oh My god, you're here all day and this is the best as I can love you, see you, be with you and follow you! I am so excited because you are the greatest and I love you being here so much! 

Cats: "What the hell are you still doing here?"

- I don't know why my fishing buddy is worried about Coronavirus, he never catches anything.

-Social distancing rule: If you can smell their fart, move further apart.

- The Coronavirus has achieved what no female has every been able to achieve. It has cancelled sports, closed all bars and kept all guys at home!

-The science communtiy has figured out that the spread of Coronavirus is based solely on two things. 

1. How dense the population is

2. How dense the population is

Yesterday my supply of toilet paper was exhausted.

Times are really rough.

Most people bleed red. 

Royal's bleed blue. 

The American President apparently bleeds cleaning product.

You may have heard that Tom Hanks has contracted Coronavirus, here is an update on how he is going..

Did You Enjoy these lockdown jokes? 

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